Our brain is the most amazing invention ever created. I say this because of how easily it seems to carry our consciousness, record our memories, process complicated and overwhelming amounts of stimuli, and lastly, on how it chooses to track our reality. The brain is no mere mass of fatty mush; what the brain is capable of doing is still not fully understood today. No matter how we look at it, it will always continue to boggle our understanding. There will always be more to understand, as I believe that it is still a constantly evolving organ of being.
What deeply fascinates me is the left brain's ability to create time, space and identity out of a chaos of information. The left brain is the sanity-maker, the stabilizer of consciousness. It makes sense out of all the stimuli and puts it into a linear path for our egos to follow. Where our right brain simply delights in the beauty of the forest, our left brain cuts a path through it and makes sure that we survive the journey. For a much better description of the difference between the brain hemispheres and what they do, I HIGHLY recommend watching Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, neuroanatomist, describe her personal experience with a stroke that shut down her left hemisphere and propelled her into a whole different realm of existence. Her account is funny, humble, passionate, and amazing. You can find her on www.TED.com. In the search bar, type her name. It will be eighteen moments you'll never forget.
The reason why I bring up the left brain today is not because I wish to give an anatomy lesson. I bring it up because of how I wrestle with perceptions created by it. Picture this: you live in a universe where all moments of time happen at the same time; each moment is simultaneously happening with all other moments in complex layers of history and possibility. All stimuli possible is hitting you, as well...your senses are exploding with information that, if you processed it all, would quickly turn you insane. Everything is energy; there are no boundaries to anything. Everything is nothing more than a drop in a vast ocean. There is no right or wrong, nothing to judge, everything just IS. Fluid consciousness and experience that cannot be defined or organized flows through you...and you are part of it. There is no you, to be exact...there is just Is-ness.
Sound kumbaya? It's not. Welcome to the world of the right brain.
Obviously, in a three dimensional reality, there's no way that we can inhabit a 3-D body and live in this kind of existence. Who would see our boundaries and care for us? And why would we even care about our bodies if they're just packets of energy? To see our bodies, to care for our bodies, to care about our lives in 3-D existence, we need a processor that can stretch moments into a linear reality of time and space relevant to who we are trying to be. We plot a path through the forest while noticing that it is a forest and that we're separate from it...we, and it, are not just a hodge-podge of cosmic goo jamming together and feeling funky oneness. We are distinct from each other, with our own individual needs, desires and agendas.
The ideas of right and wrong, good and evil, crop out of this distinct individuality. We now care about what is best for us. We become selfish. We see others as competition. We hurt each other to get ahead. We unplug from people and groups if we see them as unworthy, unhealthy, harmful, and degraded. We join or ignore for status and respect, or to be seen as attractive, cool, or in-the-know. We are all marketers and spin masters, willing to point out how awesome we are and how despicable someone else is. This is how we make alliances and gain resources and opportunities. This is how we survive. We judge, we personify a God we could never even begin to understand, and we create devils and demons, all in the hopes of being on "the correct side". And our amazing gift of being able to organize chaos becomes a source of anger, hate, fear, confusion and vulnerability, instead.
I had an issue I was dealing with recently. A friend remarked that I even appeared to be "Cybil", complete with full-blown personality disorder, because I was so torn within me over a decision that I had to make. It was a problem of the left brain. My thoughts conflicted violently: Is this a situation that I really want? Am I doing this for the right reasons? Is this a mistake? Am I even capable, based on my passions and perceptions and deep-seated neediness, to even make a correct choice? Will I regret my actions? Am I honoring myself, or degrading myself? My ego fought both sides hard and fast, making up rules and rationalizations as it processed all outcomes. Each time I chose, my brain quickly chose something else. I felt as if I was about to explode, as if everything inside of me that I had kept neatly knotted away was about to rupture and render me stupid. Each pull stopped me from living my life; my worries over acceptance, judgment, right and wrong, impure motivations....I couldn't move. There was no forward or backward. There was only pent up lunacy that shut down any action or choice.
I realized that this battle was ripping me apart. So How did I resolve it? For better or worse, I just surrendered. I followed my passion. I gave up the fight.
Was it the right choice? I don't know...the jury's still out. But the left brain, the device designed to keep me alive, began shutting me down, and I had to act. I had to make a choice. Sometimes you just need to get funky with the cosmic goo. It's not right or wrong. It just is.
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