New Year's Eve found me at dinner with a small group of friends and respected associates. We were gathered at an Indian restaurant, and it was a rare night for me; I was eating food, real food. Why, you might ask, was this so odd?
Sixteen months ago, after an evening where my heart had palpitations so strong that I feared a heart attack, I went on a strict diet. Due to the shape of my body, I found that a rice-based protein powder from a company called Metagenics had amazing results for me. In short, I walked away from food...ALL food...and ate (or drank) nothing but Metagenics Macro and Ultraclear Plus pH.
Both of these products assist the body in detoxification and gut repair; they are termed as a "medical food", properly balanced, nutritious, and easily digestible. My body thrives on it. My chronic pain became manageable, my anemia went away, my energy improved...for fifteen years, as a certified colon hydrotherapist, one-time massage therapist, and professional in the alternative medicine field, I tried EVERYTHING, every supplement, digestive aid and therapy in the book. Suddenly, by simply walking away from food, I felt so much better it was amazing. And for sixteen months I have done well.
People look at me oddly and try to shake me from my chosen path. I get comments about how I'm probably malnourished, and that one of these days my body will break down because of some missing vitamin that I don't regularly get. My bright eyes and good skin tone don't seem to speak for themselves. The comments are usually condescending, spoken usually by someone who has never experienced the frustration of dealing with chronic, autoimmune pain and issues. Everyone knows what's best for me, despite the fact that I protest and tell them that I AM BETTER and have been doing quite well.
I had a chance to go back to regular food for a while; financial issues on my part, coupled with holiday company closures, left me without my precious powder for a week. I was forced to eat real food to survive...I have never been anorexic, never had any signs of an eating disorder, and I hate being hungry. I stayed gluten, dairy, chocolate, tomato, and soy free since I have allergies to all of them. I also stayed vegan. My typical foods were rice, beans, veggies and apples. Within 24 hours I felt heavy, lightheaded and moody. I couldn't wait to get my next shipment of powder.
At the New Year's Eve dinner, I ordered Aloo Gobi: potatoes and cauliflower mixed with herbs and spices, gluten-free, over white rice. One associate snidely commented, "So, food is good, huh?"
It took everything I had to not rip his face off. His girlfriend (an animal communicator) then started lecturing me on how I needed digestive enzymes to transition back to food and kept hounding the issue, despite me telling her that, yes, as a colon hydrotherapist, I am in fact aware of that, and no, after several years of eating food and spending hundreds of dollars on HCL, digestive enzymes, and probiotics, popping several pills before and after each and every meal, my food NEVER digested well. I have noticed no difference in how I feel now digesting food verses how I felt then. But she kept pressing until I rudely told her that the conversation was DONE. Everyone went into uncomfortable silence for a moment or two. I voiced my boundary, and no one liked it.
As a slight side note: my digestion always went smoothly with my powder. Good bowel movements, no bloating, no belching...and energy after each meal verses feeling sluggish after real food. I know, too much information...but I'm trying to be clear.
We can be such a weak species. I am, too. Many times I have forced my opinions on others, telling myself that I am only helping, yet what I'm doing is trying to upgrade my self-worth by controlling someone else. We do this to each other; we control, dominate, force others to not think too independently because it ruffles the tribe. And I think that, in my case, no one wants to admit that maybe powder is a better solution to our pesticide-ridden, GMO, chemical and antibiotic infused edibles. We like our addictions, and to stand face-to-face with a mirror that says, "hey, maybe we should rethink this food thing," is not something that we want to see. It scares us, like standing too close to a sick person; it might be catchy. So we dictate, dominate and run over another's free will and choice without a thought. Our comfort is all that matters, NOT their empowerment.
My powdered nourishment should be delivered today. I am expecting that those close to me, now relieved that I am eating again, will protest loudly when I go back to full-time meals-in-a-glass. And I will try to defend myself with emotion and experience that they don't understand. But I need to be stronger...I owe NO ONE an explanation of my choice. I am an adult, I know how I feel, and all I need to say is, "Thank you for the concern, it is noted, and I have made my choice." PERIOD. No other defense is necessary.
My boundaries are up. I look forward to the day when I am so relaxed with myself that boundaries kept this ridged are no longer needed. Instead of looking for a fight, I will then just laugh at my silly friends and walk away, knowing that they are merely scared of a weird ripple in their pond. And may I, too, be honoring of all those weird ripples in my pond, as well. Let us be empowered and true to ourselves, and know in our hearts that we are safe.
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