A Culture Without Intimacy

 My friend Donna came into the center a few days ago, and afterwards we sat on the couch and talked for a long time. During her session, she had some amazing epiphanies…but then again, that’s Donna. She’s wide open to messages from Spirit, and she channels words of wisdom wherever she goes.

We sat there on the couch, talking with great depth of sharing. We held hands as she spoke, unafraid to be as close as only close friends can be. Her insights were beautiful, words that healed both her heart and mine simultaneously. Such conversations are precious, mostly because they happen so rarely. How often does one allow oneself to feel this vulnerable? These days, in this culture, moments like this are endangered species.

I have found, as I have gotten older, that intimate moments between friends have become less common. When I was younger, we had no cell phones, no internet, no texting. The only way to really talk to someone was to talk over the house phone, in person, or, as they did in the old days, write long letters that went on for pages and pages.

In highschool, I remember spending four hours on the phone one night with my best friend Russell; Russell was brilliant, amazingly insightful, and, little did we know then, starting to feel the presence of Schizophrenia. To be let in on his world, intellectually and emotionally, was both beautiful and terrifying. But we were like that…intimate friends with no walls. I wonder now if those conversations would have happened if we had access to text messages. Would I still have heard the mania and magic in his voice? Would we still have been able to connect deeply if it were all just little words on a screen?

It’s hard to be vulnerable via text. One can write a quick email, shoot off a text, stay in contact and yet never really connect. There’s no intimacy. We have an excuse to listen more to our own inner chatter than we do to another’s thoughts and dreams. We can break up with a lover and never see the pain reflected in their eyes, or send off a cruel email to an insubordinate without having the courage to reach out and actually mentor or truly lead. We’ve become a world of blabbering heads…we talk about us, we sell, we push our messages and agendas out to the masses, we control. But do we really get vulnerable, get deep into the dirt, tell our truths and be present, heart and soul, for others? No. Not so much.

I want to be vulnerable. It scares the crud out of me, but I long for it. I want to be who I am and not just a mask. I want to be there for others, as well. Only after being willing to make your heart intimate can you really enjoy being intimate on other levels…mentally, physically, and sexually. But again, you must feel safe, loved, and not used or manipulated. How glorious would that be?

For a long time, my friend Donna and I got to that space. In a quiet room, huddled on the couch, talking and whispering like children in awe of a big secret, we dared to share our frailties with each other. In that moment, we were one, and I loved her dearly for loving me and being bold enough to channel her soul. It was beautiful, this togetherness. And it made me wonder why I didn’t invite this into my life more often. This is the good stuff; this is what life is really all about.